What Happens When Baby Comes but Support Doesn’t: Why the ‘Village’ Is Still Missing

“You’ll have so much help.”
“Everyone comes together when a baby is born.”
“It takes a village.”

Those are the promises we’re fed. The cozy clichés. The beautiful ideas we want to believe.

But then baby comes.
And the messages slow down.
The meal train dries up.
The visitors taper off.
And you’re left holding this brand new life, completely changed, and wondering:

Where the hell is my village?

The truth is, most of us are parenting without one.

Not because we’re doing it wrong.
Not because we’re not “asking for help.”
But because the village — the real one — has been slowly disappearing for generations.

Why the village is gone (and it’s not your fault)

Modern parenthood exists inside systems that are not built to support families.
We’re talking about:

• Two-week paternity leaves

• Housing unaffordability

• Long-distance families

• Hyper-individualistic culture

• Medical systems that discharge you 24 hours after birth

• Social media that pressures you to “bounce back” before you’ve even healed

Let’s not forget: many people are parenting without partners, with complicated family dynamics, across cultural barriers, or while managing trauma and mental health needs.

The old model of grandparents down the street, aunties dropping by, neighbors showing up — that’s just not reality for so many anymore.

When support doesn’t show up, it doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of it.

It means we need to start telling the truth about how hard early parenting can be.
It means we need to stop romanticizing “doing it all.”
And it means we deserve to grieve what we thought we’d have.

It’s okay to feel let down.
It’s okay to feel resentful.
It’s okay to feel like you’re drowning.

You are not weak. You are unsupported. And those are not the same thing.

So what do we do when the village is missing?

We start by getting real about what support actually means.

Support isn’t just “someone holding the baby.”
It’s:

• Someone dropping off groceries.

• Someone texting to say, “You’re doing amazing.”

• Someone taking your toddler for an hour so you can shower.

• Someone listening without giving advice.

• Someone sending you EI claim tips or helping you fill out forms.

• Someone making you laugh when you’re on day 3 with no sleep.

It’s showing up. It’s checking in. It’s building connection — even in small, imperfect ways.

At Simple Smyles, we’re rebuilding the village — one conversation at a time.

We don’t have all the answers.
But we do believe:

• You deserve better than to do this alone.

• Postpartum support should be a right, not a luxury.

• Real connection can be built in DMs, workshops, community pages, and car seat aisle convos.

• You are allowed to ask for help again — even if it feels awkward.

Because the village didn’t disappear overnight.
And it won’t come back overnight either.
But we are out here — re-forming it. Reimagining it. Refusing to parent in isolation any longer.

Want to be part of our village?

Check out our prenatal and postnatal workshops, join our community group, or send this blog to someone who needs a reminder that they’re not alone.

We see you. We’re with you.
And we believe support should feel like home.

What to Pack in Your Hospital Bag (Without the Overwhelm)

You've probably seen the viral videos. The overflowing duffel bags. The monogrammed packing cubes. The 17 baby outfits. And let’s be real — it can be a lot.

But here’s the truth: you don’t need to pack your whole house. What you do need? A few intentional, comforting, and practical items that support you and baby through those early hospital hours and days.

We’ve got you. Here’s your stress-free, judgment-free guide to what actually matters when packing your hospital bag.

For You (the birthing person)

Let’s start with you — because your comfort and care matter most.

• ID + Health Card – You’ll need these at check-in.

• Birth Plan (optional) – If you have one, print a few copies.

• Robe or Open-Front Sweater – Something soft, cozy, and easy for skin-to-skin.

• Non-Slip Socks or Slippers – Hospital floors are cold!

• Comfy Postpartum Undies – The mesh ones are fine… but you might want your own.

• Pads (or Adult Diapers) – The hospital usually provides some, but having your preferred brand helps.

• Toiletries – Think toothbrush, dry shampoo, face wipes, lip balm, hair tie.

• Snacks + Water Bottle – Labour is work. Fuel is key.

• Phone Charger (extra long cord!) – Outlets are rarely bedside.

• Optional: Your own pillow, a calming playlist, or aromatherapy – Comfort is sacred.

For Baby

This part is so tempting to overpack. Remember: they’ll mostly be skin-to-skin, swaddled, and snuggling.

• 2–3 sleepers (newborn + 0-3m sizes) – In case baby is smaller/larger than expected

• A going-home outfit – Optional, but can be sweet for photos

• Hat + mitts – Hospitals often provide a hat, but bring your own if you'd like

• Blanket – For warmth in the car seat, not in the crib

• Diapers + wipes? – The hospital should supply these, but check in advance

• Car seat (installed) – Can’t leave without it!

For Your Support Person

If your partner or support person is staying with you, they’ll need a mini bag too:

• Change of clothes

• Snacks + drinks

• Phone charger

• Cash or coins for vending

• Headphones or book – There can be a lot of waiting

• Patience + presence – Their vibe matters more than their stuff

Tips to Keep It Simple

• Pack two bags: One for labour/delivery, one for postpartum. Leave the second in the car and grab it when needed.

• Don’t stress about being “ready”: Babies come on their own timeline. Your peace is more important than perfection.

• Add a list on top: Things to grab last-minute (like your phone or charger) so nothing’s forgotten.

A Gentle Reminder

No bag can fully prepare you for what birth will feel like. And that’s okay. What you bring with you — your strength, your heart, your community — matters more than any perfectly packed pouch.

You are not underprepared. You are already doing beautifully.

Want a Downloadable Checklist?

We created a Simple Smyles Hospital Bag Checklist to make this even easier.
Pop over to our Instagram or grab it inside The Journey workshop materials!

Let’s Chat!

What’s one “must-pack” item someone recommended to you? Drop it in the comments or DM us on IG! We’d love to hear what made you feel most supported.

Pain Perception in Labor: What Really Causes the Pain?

One of the most fascinating things I learned during my doula training was this:
At full term, the uterus actually has very few — if any — pain receptors!

So if there are almost no pain receptors in the uterus... what’s causing the sensations of pain during labor?

The answer is more complex than you might think. Labor pain isn’t just physical — it’s deeply connected to the way the brain processes signals based on emotional, hormonal, and psychological factors.

Let's explore how pain perception works during labor:

What Influences Pain Perception in Labor?

Pain perception isn’t just about what’s happening in the body — it’s about how the brain interprets it. Several factors come into play, including:

🌿 Perceived Danger
Pain is influenced by how much danger your brain thinks you are in. If your brain senses fear or threat, it amplifies pain signals to encourage a "protective" response.

🌿 Expectation of Pain
If you go into labor expecting intense pain, your brain is already primed to experience it more sharply. Anticipation heightens the brain’s sensitivity to discomfort.

🌿 Attention and Focus
Focusing closely on pain increases its intensity. Conversely, using distraction techniques, visualization, or mindful breathing can ease the experience.

🌿 Emotional State
Stress, fear, and anxiety can significantly increase perceived pain. A calm, supported, and safe emotional environment can help minimize it.

🌿 Hormonal Balance
Two hormonal duos play a major role during labor:

• Oxytocin and Endorphins (the “love and pleasure” hormones) help promote relaxation, connection, and natural pain relief.

• Adrenaline and Cortisol (the "fight or flight" hormones) can make sensations feel sharper and labor more difficult if fear or stress are high.

Reframing Pain During Labor

One powerful goal in childbirth preparation is rewiring the brain’s association from:

Contraction = Pain
to:
Contraction = Relaxation and Excited Anticipation

Tools that can support this shift include:

• Mindfulness practices

• Breathing techniques

• Positive affirmations

• Guided imagery

• Physical comfort measures (like massage, movement, and water therapy)

At Simple Smyles, we’ll explore these tools together — giving you practical ways to approach labor with more calm, confidence, and connection. ✨

Stay tuned — next week, we'll dive deeper into specific mindfulness and breathing techniques you can start practicing now!

Why Prenatal & Postnatal Mental Health Matters—For Both You and Baby

Let’s Talk About the Other Side of Pregnancy and Parenthood

When most people picture pregnancy, they imagine glowing skin, cute bumps, and dreamy nursery setups. When they think about postpartum, it’s soft snuggles and first smiles.

But between the Pinterest boards and baby registries, something big often gets missed: your mental health.

And here’s the truth: your emotional wellbeing is not a side note. It’s central to this whole journey.

Why Prenatal and Postnatal Mental Health Deserve More Attention

Pregnancy and postpartum are filled with rapid change. Physically, yes—but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And while care providers closely monitor blood pressure, belly measurements, and baby’s heartbeat…

Too often, no one’s checking in on you.

But research (and real life!) tells us that your mental health:

• Affects how you bond with your baby

• Impacts your sleep, energy, and relationships

• Influences your baby’s brain and emotional development

• Can shape how you experience birth, recovery, and parenting

This isn’t to scare you. It’s to affirm you. You deserve support that sees your whole self—not just your uterus.

Why It Gets Overlooked—And What We Can Do About It

So why isn’t this talked about more? A few reasons:

🩺 Medical models prioritize physical outcomes.
Providers are often trained to focus on physical health and miss emotional red flags.

💬 Cultural messages push perfection.
Parents—especially birthing people—are expected to “bounce back,” stay grateful, and push through, even when they’re falling apart inside.

🤫 Shame and stigma still linger.
Many parents fear being judged if they admit they’re struggling. But vulnerability is strength, not weakness.

✨ But here’s what we know changes everything:
Community. Education. Support. When we talk about what’s real, share resources, and make mental wellness part of the conversation—not an afterthought—everything shifts.

Signs Your Mental Health Might Need a Little Extra Love

Whether you’re pregnant or postpartum, here are a few signs it’s time to check in:

• Constant anxiety or racing thoughts

• Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected

• Trouble sleeping (even when baby sleeps)

• Irritability, sadness, or hopelessness

• Guilt about not “loving every moment”

• Difficulty bonding with baby

• Feeling like you’re “not yourself”

If any of this hits home—please know you are not alone. You are not failing. You are feeling. And there is help.

How to Support Your Mental Health—And Your Baby’s

💛 Build a village that gets it.
Surround yourself with people who lift you, check in on you, and offer support without judgment—whether that’s a partner, doula, therapist, or a friend who brings snacks and sits on the floor with you.

💛 Get educated before the overwhelm.
The more you know about the mental load of new parenthood, the better prepared you’ll be. Attend workshops, ask questions, and make a plan for postpartum—not just the birth.

💛 Seek therapy or counselling.
Talking to a perinatal therapist (even once or twice!) can help you feel seen and supported through the hard parts. In Ontario, many therapy sessions are covered under extended benefits.

💛 Join peer support spaces.
Online or in-person—connecting with others who get it can reduce isolation and remind you that you’re not the only one navigating big feelings.

💛 Normalize the full range of emotions.
You can be wildly in love with your baby and feel overwhelmed. These things are not mutually exclusive. Both are true. Both are valid.

You Deserve More Than Survival Mode

This isn’t about pretending pregnancy and parenthood are easy. It’s about being honest: this is life-changing work.

And life-changing work deserves care.
Deserves softness.
Deserves a circle of support that doesn’t flinch when things feel heavy.

Let’s rewrite the story together. One where mental health is part of the plan—not an emergency detour. One where we hold parents with as much tenderness as we hold their babies.

You don’t have to do this alone. 💛