How Partners Can Truly Support During Labour (It’s More Than Just Holding a Hand)

You’ve read the books. You’ve packed the snacks. You’ve practiced rubbing that one spot on their lower back that earned you “best partner” points in trimester three.

But when it’s go time — when labour kicks in and everything starts to move — you might find yourself wondering:
“What do I actually DO to help right now?”

The truth is, your role is so much bigger than it might seem. Whether you’re a romantic partner, a friend, a co-parent, or a chosen family member — your presence matters.

Here’s how to show up with calm, confidence, and care.

1. Be the Calm in the Room

Labour can bring intensity — physically, emotionally, spiritually. Your job? Ground the space.

• Keep your tone soft, even if things feel chaotic

• Watch the birther’s cues — less talking, more attuning

• Breathe with them (literally — mirror their rhythm)

• Keep unnecessary noise or stress out of the room

Simple Smyles Tip: You don’t have to “fix” anything. Just be there. That’s powerful in itself.

2. Be on Comfort + Logistics Duty

Little things go a long way. Be the person handling the practical stuff so your birthing person can stay in the zone.

• Offer sips of water or electrolyte drinks

• Keep lip balm handy (their lips will dry out!)

• Get a cool cloth for their forehead or neck

• Offer physical comfort: hip squeezes, massage, counter-pressure

• Advocate for dim lights, quiet, or more space as needed

Bonus points if you pack a “birth toolkit” with snacks, essential oils, tennis balls, or affirmation cards.

3. Be the Voice When They Can’t Speak

Sometimes in labour, especially during active labour or transition, it’s hard for the birthing person to speak for themselves. You can be their voice.

• Know the birth preferences ahead of time

• Ask questions if something feels rushed or unclear

• Pause and say, “We need a minute to decide”

• Make sure they feel respected and safe

Big energy isn’t always needed. Quiet advocacy can be just as powerful.

4. Be the Emotional Anchor

This is a big moment. For both of you. And it’s okay if you’re feeling nervous too. But if you can steady yourself, you help steady them.

• Reassure them that they’re doing beautifully

• Make eye contact. Hold their hand. Stay close.

• Validate whatever they’re feeling: “I hear you. I’m here.”

• Remind them how strong they are — especially when they forget

💛 Remember: love is a form of medicine.

5. Keep Showing Up After Baby Arrives

Labour support doesn’t stop when the baby is born.

• Be skin-to-skin ready if they can’t do it right away

• Help them get comfortable for feeding or recovery

• Snap a photo — they may want to see this moment later

• Ask what they need in that hour or two after birth (water? food? a blanket?)

• Celebrate. Cry. Breathe. You did this together.

A Note on All Partners

Not every birth partner is a romantic partner. Support roles can be filled by best friends, doulas, parents, chosen family, or co-parents. If you’re reading this, you’re already doing the work of showing up with intention — and that matters.

You don’t have to do it perfectly. Just do it with heart.

Let’s Talk in the Comments:

If you supported someone through labour, what helped you feel prepared? And birthing parents — what do you wish your support person had done (or did do!) that made a big difference?

Drop it below — let’s learn from each other. 💛

Want More Real Talk + Practical Prep?

Join us for Week 2 of The Journey — where we dig into labour, pain management, partner prep, and emotional readiness for birth.
Click here to save your spot https://www.simplesmyles.com/booking.