The Truth About Losing Yourself in Motherhood — and Finding Your Way Back

Nobody tells you that one day, in between the feedings and the laundry piles and the soothing and the swaying —
you might look in the mirror and whisper,
“Where did I go?”

And it’s not that you regret becoming a mother.
It’s just… you weren’t expecting to feel this invisible.

From Me to You

Before I had my son, I was really, really unsure if having kids was for me.
Not because I was afraid of being a good mom — I knew I could be that.
But I was afraid of losing myself: my freedom, my friendships, and my career.

I had grown up watching so many women — in my family, in my community — who gave up pieces of themselves when they had kids. Not because they wanted to, but because they had to. And I wasn’t sure I was willing to make that kind of trade.

And let me be clear:
Folks who love being a mom — whose identity is motherhood — and stay-at-home parents? They are absolute heroes. That job is real, hard, invisible work. And it deserves all the respect in the world.
Full stop.

But before I was someone’s wife or mother, I was just me.
Living in my own place, loving my cat like she was my child, traveling, staying out late, dancing at festivals, chasing big nonprofit dreams, trying to earn my seat at those executive tables.

Then the pandemic hit. Everything changed.

We were waiting to get married and decided to move ahead with having a baby. I never considered how much the world would change — and how becoming a mom would shift my already-changing world even more.

The truth is, I fell in love with my son so deeply that nothing else mattered. He became everything.

But over time, that intensity came with grief.

I began to feel lost.
I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself. I looked different. I felt different. And honestly? I felt really, really f*cking sad.

The morning baby cuddles turned into toddler resistance and power struggles.
And while I was trying to hold everything together, my husband — who’s an incredible dad — would take our son to the park and be praised by strangers. Meanwhile, I was getting side-eyes and unsolicited parenting advice.

Then came the transition back to work. Except… it wasn’t smooth.
It was brutal.
Trying to work full-time while still parenting full-time because daycare lists were endless. I felt like I was failing at both. Like I wasn’t showing up as the mother I wanted to be — or the professional I used to be.

And all I could think was:

"Where the fck did I go?"*
"Who am I now?"

Let’s Get Honest: This Feeling Is Real

You can love your baby so much and still grieve the version of yourself who had uninterrupted thoughts.
Who wore real pants.
Who danced freely.
Who felt like her own person.

Motherhood can be beautiful — and lonely. Expansive — and consuming.
And when our culture praises sacrifice, it can feel like losing yourself is just “part of the deal.”

But here’s the truth: it doesn’t have to stay that way.

What “Losing Yourself” Can Look Like

It’s not always dramatic. Sometimes it’s quiet and slow.
It can look like:

• Not recognizing your body or your reflection

• Forgetting what you love outside of parenting

• Feeling disconnected from your partner or friends

• Resenting how little time you have for yourself

• Feeling guilty for even wanting something outside of motherhood

It can also be subtle — like not finishing a book in months, or putting on makeup and realizing it’s been a year.
Or crying in the car because no one needs anything from you there.

Finding Your Way Back — Gently

We don’t believe in 10-step plans or instant glow-ups.
But we do believe in slow, soulful reconnection.
In tiny acts of reclamation.
In remembering that you are still here.

Here are a few ways to begin:

1. Start with your name
   Write it down. Say it out loud. You are more than “Mama.” You are you.

2. Reconnect with your body
   Not to change it — to be in it. Stretch. Dance. Breathe. Cry. Move.

3. Do one small thing just for you
   A hot drink alone. A podcast that has nothing to do with parenting. A walk. A nap. A journal prompt.
   Something that doesn’t serve anyone else but you.

4. Speak it out loud
   Tell a friend. A partner. A therapist. A group.
   “I feel lost right now.” That sentence can open doors.

5. Release the guilt
   Wanting more does not make you less of a mother.
   You are allowed to have needs, dreams, goals — and you’re allowed to want to feel like a whole person again.

A Gentle Reminder

You don’t have to “bounce back.”
You don’t have to become who you were before.
But you do deserve to feel like you belong to yourself again.

Motherhood will change you — but it doesn’t have to erase you.

You can hold both your baby and your sense of self.

You can lose yourself, and still find your way back — wiser, softer, deeper, and more you than ever.

Let’s Talk

Have you felt this shift too?
What helped you feel more like yourself again — or what do you wish someone had told you?

Drop a comment below or come chat with us on Instagram. You are never alone in this.

Looking for Support?

Our Baby’s Here! Now What? guide was created with this exact season in mind — to help you feel more informed, supported, and connected in those tender early months.

💻 Click here to learn more