The Truth About Losing Yourself in Motherhood — and Finding Your Way Back

Nobody tells you that one day, in between the feedings and the laundry piles and the soothing and the swaying —
you might look in the mirror and whisper,
“Where did I go?”

And it’s not that you regret becoming a mother.
It’s just… you weren’t expecting to feel this invisible.

From Me to You

Before I had my son, I was really, really unsure if having kids was for me.
Not because I was afraid of being a good mom — I knew I could be that.
But I was afraid of losing myself: my freedom, my friendships, and my career.

I had grown up watching so many women — in my family, in my community — who gave up pieces of themselves when they had kids. Not because they wanted to, but because they had to. And I wasn’t sure I was willing to make that kind of trade.

And let me be clear:
Folks who love being a mom — whose identity is motherhood — and stay-at-home parents? They are absolute heroes. That job is real, hard, invisible work. And it deserves all the respect in the world.
Full stop.

But before I was someone’s wife or mother, I was just me.
Living in my own place, loving my cat like she was my child, traveling, staying out late, dancing at festivals, chasing big nonprofit dreams, trying to earn my seat at those executive tables.

Then the pandemic hit. Everything changed.

We were waiting to get married and decided to move ahead with having a baby. I never considered how much the world would change — and how becoming a mom would shift my already-changing world even more.

The truth is, I fell in love with my son so deeply that nothing else mattered. He became everything.

But over time, that intensity came with grief.

I began to feel lost.
I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself. I looked different. I felt different. And honestly? I felt really, really f*cking sad.

The morning baby cuddles turned into toddler resistance and power struggles.
And while I was trying to hold everything together, my husband — who’s an incredible dad — would take our son to the park and be praised by strangers. Meanwhile, I was getting side-eyes and unsolicited parenting advice.

Then came the transition back to work. Except… it wasn’t smooth.
It was brutal.
Trying to work full-time while still parenting full-time because daycare lists were endless. I felt like I was failing at both. Like I wasn’t showing up as the mother I wanted to be — or the professional I used to be.

And all I could think was:

"Where the fck did I go?"*
"Who am I now?"

Let’s Get Honest: This Feeling Is Real

You can love your baby so much and still grieve the version of yourself who had uninterrupted thoughts.
Who wore real pants.
Who danced freely.
Who felt like her own person.

Motherhood can be beautiful — and lonely. Expansive — and consuming.
And when our culture praises sacrifice, it can feel like losing yourself is just “part of the deal.”

But here’s the truth: it doesn’t have to stay that way.

What “Losing Yourself” Can Look Like

It’s not always dramatic. Sometimes it’s quiet and slow.
It can look like:

• Not recognizing your body or your reflection

• Forgetting what you love outside of parenting

• Feeling disconnected from your partner or friends

• Resenting how little time you have for yourself

• Feeling guilty for even wanting something outside of motherhood

It can also be subtle — like not finishing a book in months, or putting on makeup and realizing it’s been a year.
Or crying in the car because no one needs anything from you there.

Finding Your Way Back — Gently

We don’t believe in 10-step plans or instant glow-ups.
But we do believe in slow, soulful reconnection.
In tiny acts of reclamation.
In remembering that you are still here.

Here are a few ways to begin:

1. Start with your name
   Write it down. Say it out loud. You are more than “Mama.” You are you.

2. Reconnect with your body
   Not to change it — to be in it. Stretch. Dance. Breathe. Cry. Move.

3. Do one small thing just for you
   A hot drink alone. A podcast that has nothing to do with parenting. A walk. A nap. A journal prompt.
   Something that doesn’t serve anyone else but you.

4. Speak it out loud
   Tell a friend. A partner. A therapist. A group.
   “I feel lost right now.” That sentence can open doors.

5. Release the guilt
   Wanting more does not make you less of a mother.
   You are allowed to have needs, dreams, goals — and you’re allowed to want to feel like a whole person again.

A Gentle Reminder

You don’t have to “bounce back.”
You don’t have to become who you were before.
But you do deserve to feel like you belong to yourself again.

Motherhood will change you — but it doesn’t have to erase you.

You can hold both your baby and your sense of self.

You can lose yourself, and still find your way back — wiser, softer, deeper, and more you than ever.

Let’s Talk

Have you felt this shift too?
What helped you feel more like yourself again — or what do you wish someone had told you?

Drop a comment below or come chat with us on Instagram. You are never alone in this.

Looking for Support?

Our Baby’s Here! Now What? guide was created with this exact season in mind — to help you feel more informed, supported, and connected in those tender early months.

💻 Click here to learn more

Embracing — and Grieving — Your New Season of Life

When you imagine becoming a parent, you expect the love.
You expect the joy.
You expect the overwhelming emotions.

What we don’t always talk about is the grief that comes with it too —
the quiet mourning of the life you left behind.
The identity you are suddenly no longer sure how to find.

At Simple Smyles, we believe in honoring all parts of the journey — the beautiful, the messy, the surprising, and the heavy.
Because becoming a parent isn’t just about meeting your baby.
It’s about meeting a new version of yourself, too.

A Story from Our Founder

I can remember feeling so nervous about becoming a mom.
What if my kiddo didn’t like me?
What if it didn’t come naturally?
What if I didn’t even like being a mom?

I distinctly remember one day — sitting on the toilet, still trying to take my first poop after my C-section (the glamorous postpartum moments no one warns you about) —
struggling with breastfeeding, drowning in sleepless nights, and trying to navigate it all in the height of a global pandemic.

I sat there and thought:
"What the eff have I done with my life? I’ve ruined it."

It’s hard to admit.
Especially when everything we’re taught says that women are supposed to be naturally, effortlessly, joyfully maternal.
That wasn’t my immediate response — and that truth felt heavy to carry alone.

Later, when my girlfriends started having kids, they would admit the same thing to me, quietly and in secret:
"I love my baby so much... but sometimes I miss my old life too."
"Sometimes I wonder if I'm cut out for this."

And the truth is — even now, with my kiddo four years old,
there are still days where I catch myself thinking:
"Man... things used to be so fun and easy."

Grief and Joy Can Exist Together

You can love your child more than life itself —
and still miss the parts of yourself that felt freer, lighter, wilder.
You can feel profoundly grateful —
and still feel profoundly sad sometimes.

✨ Both can be true.
✨ Both are normal.
✨ Both are allowed.

Parenthood isn't about giving up who you were — it's about learning how to weave that old self into the new version of you that's emerging.
It’s about holding space for the "before" while bravely stepping into the "after."

It's Okay to Take Time to Find Yourself Again

The truth is, you won't "bounce back" — and you’re not supposed to.
You are evolving, not undoing.

It's okay if it takes time to feel like yourself again — or to discover that your "new self" is someone entirely different, and still deeply worthy.
You don't have to rush your healing.
You don't have to rush your becoming.

Every phase — the confusion, the grief, the stretching and growing — is part of the beautiful, messy masterpiece of who you are now.

Your Body is Not Broken — It’s a Testament to Your Story

Your body may look and feel different after birth.
That doesn’t make it defective — it makes it extraordinary.

Stretch marks, scars, softened curves — they are not imperfections; they are inscriptions of love, endurance, and creation.
You are not less. You are more.

More resilient.
More powerful.
More breathtaking in ways that have nothing to do with the mirror and everything to do with the life you carry, hold, and nurture.

How to Embrace Your New Season of Life

• Give yourself permission to grieve without guilt.

• Speak lovingly to your reflection — the same way you would speak to a friend.

• Let go of the pressure to "get back" to anything — forward is beautiful too.

• Celebrate small wins (a shower, a hot coffee, a deep breath of quiet) as sacred victories.

• Ask for help — and believe you deserve it.

Your life has changed — and yes, parts of it have been left behind.
But in their place, new parts are blooming.

Trust that joy can grow right alongside grief.
Trust that this season, even in its wildness, is shaping you in extraordinary ways.

Finding Community and Support Matters

You don't have to carry all of this alone.
There is real magic in finding people who say, “Me too.”

• Reach out to postpartum groups, community centers, parent meet-ups — even virtual ones if needed.

• Talk to other parents about the highs and the lows.

• Connect with doulas, lactation consultants, mental health professionals — people trained to hold space for the realness.

• Let your circle hold you, even when you feel messy, complicated, or unsure.

You were never meant to do this alone. 💛

If You’re Feeling This Too, Please Know:

🌿 You have not failed.
🌿 You are not ungrateful.
🌿 You are not alone.

You are allowed to feel everything — and still be an amazing parent, an amazing human, and an evolving work of art.

We see you.
We celebrate you.
We are walking right beside you.

Emotional Health Matters:

At Simple Smyles, we believe that your emotional well-being is just as important as your physical recovery.
If you're struggling with feelings of grief, sadness, or overwhelm after becoming a parent, please know that you are not alone — and help is always available.
Reaching out for support is a courageous, loving step for you and your family. 💛